I`ve been thinking about the Camino a lot lately, and in addition to that, many weird synchronicities are showing up, all pointing in one direction, to my pilgrimage.
One of my friends just finished it recently, the other one is on it now, for the second time, and a third one is going to Spain soon, and started to really think about doing it.
So, Camino, Camino, Camino everywhere in the air, in my thoughts and around me.
The Camino de Santiago, or the Way of Saint James is a popular pilgrimage for the spiritual seekers, for those who feel stuck in their lives, who feel that something is missing or who are just curious; for the religious, or for those who like a good physical challenge.
It is said to follow the line of the Milky Way, (and ley lines), anchoring a great deal of cosmic energy and magic to the lands of the pilgrimage.
But what is it for me?
Why does it keep coming up in my life, even 12 years later as a symbol, as a pattern, as a calling?
Because I have never “finished” it? Maybe.
I sometimes wonder how my life would be different now if I had.
Or the truth is, what I feel deep down, that I have never stopped walking it.
All of those who have ever walked it feel the profound analogy between the pilgrimage and life itself.
It is true for me: the Camino de Santiago is modeling Life on nearly 800 kilometers.
Even the way I started out on that journey in 2012 symbolizes what my core essence thinks (or used to think) about Life or at least, about how Life “should” be.
I just jumped, with only some basic information, without much preparation, plan or even a guidebook (looking back, that was pretty dumb), purposely, because I wanted to test Life, if it really holds me, guides me…
I wanted to test my theory more: that I can TRUST LIFE.
Once I did that before, when I was a stupid, or wise teenager and I decided to walk across a somewhat frozen lake.
With every step on the cracking ice, I held my breath and prayed, or more like bargained with God, but kept walking anyway, especially when I got to the middle of the lake and turning back would have been equally stupid as continuing.
So here I am again, a bit older, maybe wiser to choose a safer way for my life experiment, but jumping into the unknown again, nonetheless.
(But what is to be known for sure in life anyway?)
I was looking for signs when I first thought about sharing my story, and not only met random people at random places who felt the calling for the pilgrimage, and asked me about it, but there it was, a quote from Paula Finn, that I’ve never read before, right in front of my eyes, in my newly bought calendar:
You’re on the Journey of a Lifetime…
“A Journey no one else will travel and no one else can judge- a path of happiness and hurt, where the challenges are great and the rewards even greater.
You’re on a journey that is universal yet uniquely personal, profound yet astonishingly simple- where sometimes you will stumble and other times you will soar.
You’ll learn that even at your darkest point, you can find a light- if you look for it.
Friends and family will accompany you part of the way, and you’ll walk the rest by yourself…but you will never be alone.
Travel at your own pace.
There’ll be time enough to learn all you need to know and go as far as you’re meant to go.
Travel light.
Letting go of extra baggage will keep your arms open and your heart free to fully embrace the gifts of the moment.
You may not always know exactly where you’re headed, but if you follow the desires of your heart, the integrity of your conscience, and the wisdom of your soul…then each step you take will lead you to discover more of who you really are, and it will be a step in the right direction on the journey of a lifetime.”
I had been on my “journey of a lifetime” already, for 27 years, but I was heading in the wrong direction, or more like a dead-end, that’s how I felt.
It is easy to be in your same lukewarm or even slightly depressing routine every day, even if it is killing you slowly, just because it’s familiar, and that’s all you know.
Like the fabula about boiling a frog, gradually heating the water it’s already in.
It will never jump out of the hot water because the change is slow, gradual and barely noticeable for it.
And “comfort”, no matter how miserable, is a big factor in human life. But-spoiler alert – I forced myself not to be boiled and decided to embark on an adventure instead.
Years later I found myself back on the very-very wrong path again though, as if I never learned anything previously, but this time Life dropped me in the already boiling water, so I had no other choice, but to jump out from that bowl.
Otherwise I would have died.
Me and my baby both.
But I will write about that later.
So this is how I choose this WAY, and here’s what I wrote about it in my journal:
It’s Time To Go
I knew it was time for a big change in my life and NOW was the right time, so I closed my eyes and pushed that button on the laptop to book my plane ticket to Barcelona.
6 months from now I will start the famous pilgrimage of Saint James, the El Camino of Santiago in Spain.
My teenage plan, the image from my dream board on the wall finally coming true.
Talking about it recently with my friend and mentor, Beni gave me the final push.
I already felt fulfillment by only knowing I cannot postpone it any longer and one of my dreams will actually come true.
The events since this were following each other rapidly, that 6 months just zoomed by.
I arrived at Barcelona airport on October 14, 2012 with only a backpack, without even a guidebook or the slightest expectation.
I didn’t even feel the necessity to have a very detailed plan, I just had the strong feeling that I should trust destiny and let myself be guided.
I quickly grabbed a Barcelona map from a pile of paper at the information desk and took a train to get to the railway station.
That’s how I hoped to get to Pamplona where I wanted to start my pilgrimage.
Only when I got to Barcelona railway station did I realize there was a Spanish holiday that day and all the train tickets were sold out.
Oh-oh. Unexpected twist in the first second of my journey already.
What now? I finally found out there was a bus going there that afternoon. I had hours till then and the bus station was fairly close so I decided to discover Barcelona some, being my first time there, so I put my big bag in a locker and started to walk down the street.
I had my newly acquired map in my hands, but mainly let my feet take me wherever they wanted.
I thought this was a good practice to learn to trust destiny…
In Munay,
Emese
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